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dreams and night visions [Friday February 20th, 2009 ] this week has seriously flown by. i have court in less then two weeks. they are just telling me what im being charged with. gah. I've been having really weird dreams. first my period was late and last night i dreamed that dj's mom pulled me aside and told me i had blood all over me. i was wearing the outfit that i put on this morning. and then later on i actually did get my period. huh. then it was just weird dreams of me being a guy and hiding a body that we thought was dead, but wasnt in a factory that made suv's. then running into ex boyfriends and their whole crew of turds. it was just really real and vivid and made me not want to sleep. yesterday i kept dreaming that people were breaking into my house. so i finally just woke up and stayed up. the weirdest one though was about dj. the night that we bonded him out i wrote on his paperwork for him to call us when they give you your clothes back. at this point in my week i hadn't slept for four days with me and him being in jail and everyhting. so im laying on my parents bedroom floor. trying to sleep. im watching this show about how lincon had premonitions about how he was going to get killed. and i start hearing tapping, like on my window. im thinking, there is no one there, dj isn't being released yet, or he woulda called. i get up and look, its nothing. im laying there on the floor again, then i like see dj being let out of jail, like standing there. im like okay, now im just being weird and i really havent had enough sleep. and i hear tapping again. im like god damn i want to fucking sleep and instead im laying here going crazy. i lay there for like an hour more. and then i hear louder tapping. i wasn't even going to get up and look this time, but it dosn't stop. so i go look. and guess what? there he is. im like what the fuck. im telling him about all this and hes like thats really weird, because at the point that i saw him(in my head), he really was standing where i saw him. twilight zone stuff huh? 4 cmnt

[Saturday February 14th, 2009 ] happy valentine's day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so happy!I GOT THE BEST THING EVER! 2 cmnt

[Thursday February 12th, 2009 ] i miss my smiff. oh we fucked up baby. i love you. cmnt

[Saturday February 7th, 2009 ] i feel like im fucking shit up. no one cares so why should I? cmnt

halloween! we all looked soo good! [Sunday November 2nd, 2008 ] dj and me wanted to dress as gangsters but we didn't have enough money so we got the two cheapest costumes and at first i was kinda irritated at the fact, but i ended up loving it. no one else had our outfits and we got a ton of complements on them. alex got a really nice zoot suit that is actually authentic. like really from the twentys. stephanie was a flapper to match him. i loved it i had so much fun. we went to meg o ween last night and that was awesome too. there were some wild costumes. heres a bunch of pictures of us looking awesome: ( halloween pictures! ) 3 cmnt

[Thursday October 2nd, 2008 ] it took all of my energy today to keep from bursting into tears every five seconds today. im still hoping this is going to get better, but i just cannot see the light at the end. god. and im totally being discriminated against at work. because i dont have a fucking car!! um, maby if you paied me more than ten cents above minimum wage, i could fucking work it out! im thinking about a lawsuit, because my district manager aparenty totally trashed me to my boss and in front of jen. about the fact that i dont drive. its never and won't, effect my job, or me getting there on time or at all. thankyou very much. and its not like when they hired me they said well its a requirement that you drive. no its not. she said i will never become a manager unless i drive. when there are at least two other managers that dont drive. im so bothered about it im ready to quit right now. and ive had my promotion for at least three months and still haven't gotten the raise that was promised to me? when two other people that have finished the training after me have? Im thinking that i havent gotten it because she thinks i dont deserve it because of the not driving thing. i dont know what to do cmnt

[Monday June 16th, 2008 ]  I had a rough day today. But it was made better by my totally awesome boyfriend. he makes me better cmnt

[Wednesday June 11th, 2008 ] hopefully you can die from lack of sleep. because if you can then im nearing my goal. because i really cant get any sleep. that or im going to go. nevermind. i guess i imagined me and toni being best friends during high school. aparently her and alyssa were a lot fucking closer then we were. yeah. you totally tried to get a hold of me TO INVITE ME TO YOUR FUCKING WEDDING. YOU TOTALLY NEVER EVER FUCKING CAME TO MY HOUSE EVERY FUCKING DAY DURING HIGH SCHOOL.....THE SAME HOSE  THAT I STILL LIVE IN NOW??so there is no way you could have sent me an invitation. you though i stopped talking to you and that i didn't want to come. humm. thats funny. because the last conversation we had was yeah im getting married do you want to come? fuck yeah i want to come! if im invited. yeah. yeah. what makes me so easy to forget about? i just cannot get by this. im fucking stumped. not mad. anymore.. i dont get it ... im no longer able to understand how the world works. i dont understand the way people work i didn't think i was dumb. apparently, i am wrong. huh. funny. ha i keep ashing my cigg on myself. goodbye. 1 cmnt

[Wednesday June 11th, 2008 ] the only response i get ever, by anyone, is im sorry. sorry, you guys arn't approved. sorry, i forgot. sorry i didnt invite you. sorry sorry sorry i sat my naked ass on your boufrieds lap. sorry i pissed you off. sorry, next week. sorry for letting you down. well im fucking sorry that im so easy to do that to. sorry im dumb, sorry im easy to forget  about, sorry im not fucj=king good enough. sorry i treated you like crap. sorry for being a  predictable let down, sorry for living. i fucking hate that fucking word. im sick of everyone being sick of me. if no one cares about me then i cant give a shit about you. its too much to care about. i've had the worst week. i almost died, and then fuck it. fuck. 1 cmnt

[Tuesday June 3rd, 2008 ] im sick of being bummed all the time. i think im just a sad person overall. oh well we found a pretty cool apartment and its only 500 bucks a month. its not in the greatest place to be but it could be worse. at least ints not over off university. haha. we have to pay power and water but that wont be that much. when me and josh had a power bill the most it ever was i think was like seventy five bucks. but its a two bedroow, one bath, and its upstairs and down. we are hoping to get all of our money up in a month or two at the most. which wont be hard because my awesome boyfriend made fucking five hundred dollars yesterday. i really really hope we get the fuck out of here soon. i think i will be a lot happier when i have my own place. its not like it totally blows living back with my parents, i just feel like im not getting anything done. then i will be able to pick out furniture and shit like that. yay. i want it nowww im bored right now. i wish i had some people to hang out with. i dont know anyone anymore. it kinda sucks but i've come to realize that most people suck and let you down anyways. toni is getting married on the seventh. im kinda sad i didn't get invited. i know we haven't seen each other in years but come on. i would invite all of my old friends if that was me. whatever. 2 cmnt

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